Dear Ocean

“…the Japanese Spider Crab has a body the size of a basketball and its legs can straddle a car. They will eventually measure a massive 15ft… The crab, called Macrocheira kaempferi in Latin, was caught by fishermen in the Pacific Ocean and has now been imported to Britain where it has gone on display at the National Sea Life Centre in Birmingham."(source)

Dear Ocean,

Fuck off. Seriously. Are you kidding me with this? Honestly, I've had enough of your bullshit. Let's find a way to get back to being all cute and Finding Nemoish again, because seriously, all of these new gigantic monsters you're creating are really starting to get on my nerves. I do not like being terrified constantly. Because of you, I'm considering a move further inland.

Please die already.

Love and tenderness,
Zuhair.